hers

.Wednesday, December 15, 2010 ' 6:30 AM

...

"you may have orginated all these problems. but i can tell you ......... and whoever worsened them, they play a part. and thats why i think its unfair to you."

so they tell me. people dont see things like these. they only see the culprit.
CULPRIT - a person guilty of or responsible for an offence or fault
when you're sentenced, no matter what you do doesnt matter anymore. because they would see it as a motive, or a lie. its always your fault. anything you do will be judged. yes they tell you they can forgive n forget as long as u put in effort n all. seriously, that's bullshit. te truth is, no one can get over it. its always a topic to be discussed, gossiped. and all direction is all aimed at you. and what can you do? nothing. why? because you ARE the one. who cares about the people who was so called "the victim" YOU were e one who could make decisions. so YOU have to be the one facing all the sarcasm and criticism.
lies. this is e main word used almost everyday.
so when you tell the truth, you are heavily judged, regardless. when you dont, that's the end of the world. and if you just avoid, people think you're trying to hide things. so tell me, what else can you do?
people say or do things, to benefit only to themselves. its easy for them to say they forget. and everything goes well for them. but if its you, the 'culprit'. ohh, that different. it will be like a disaster.

i had a gf. and i had an affair with a common friend. yes i admit my wrong. i am the culprit. so when i tried to make things right, it didnt turn out that way. i could only force myself to leave. she tried to pull me back, saying she cant lose me, and at e next moment push me away, over and over again. what am i suppose to do? i want her to be happy. and i know she could no longer get it from me.
at e same time, theres always been rumours about me. said from the other one. obviously bad rumours. i guess its revenge? because i told e world it was just plain sex when i actually had feelings for her too. so finally one day i told e truth. to everyone. i apologised to her. but that didnt stop whatever thats been going on. she told me she couldnt get over me n all. by words. but her actions were still so ...... which obviously caused alot of problems for me. when you are at your lowest period, even planning to take your own life, these things trigger.
so if they really do love you. why still do it? comes back to square one. you have NO RIGHT to expect anything from them because you jolly well deserve it. because you are the culprit. you are suppose to face all these shit. am i right?